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Halloween Chili

Contributed by: Phyllis A.

Substitutions are in parenthesis. Best made during the last phase of the moon, if that is not possible, just do the best you can in a softly lighted kitchen after dark.


  • 1 1/4 pounds Ground Goblin Gizzards (Ground Beef 15% Fat)
  • 1 medium eye of Cyslops (Onion)
  • 1 15 oz. can Soft Shelled Beetles (Kidney Beans)
  • 1 28 oz. can Blood of Bat (V-8 Juice)
  • 1/8 tsp. Pureed Wasp (Prepared Mustard)
  • 1/4 tsp. Common Dried Weed (Oregano)
  • 1 dash Redtailed Hawk Toenails (Crushed Red Pepper)
  • 2 tsp. Ground Sumac Blossom (Chili Powder)
  • 1 tsp. Hemlock (Honey or Sugar)
  • 1/2 cup Fresh Grubs (Sliced Celery)
  • 1 tbs. Eye of Newt (Pearled Barley)
  • 1 tbs. Dried Maggots (Uncooked Rice)
  • Water from a Stagnant Pond (Tap Water)


Brown the gizzards in an iron cauldron over a fire made from the siding off of a haunted house, add chopped eye of cyclops and simmer until the pieces of eye become translucent again, add blood of bat, and soft shelled beetles, bring to a slow bubbling boil.

At this time, add the common weed, maggots, toenails, sumac, grubs, hemlock, eye of newt and the pureed wasp. As it cooks you may want to adjust the consistency with pond water.

You can tell it is done when the eye of newt swells and the vertical tan colored 'cats eye' appears on one side.

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